Schrodinger's Cat
by DarkRedWillow
Summary: With Sophia turner around, Kate fears she might have lost Castle for good. Will it be enough to finally make her take a stand and admit her feeling to the man she loves? ONE-SHOT, SPOILERS for Pandora and Linchpin. Kate/Lanie friendship, Caskett.


She had a bad feeling when the knock startled her awake past midnight on a Tuesday night. Lanie had fallen asleep on the couch after getting home from a double shift, her glass of wine and her plate of pasta forgotten on the coffee table. Muttering curses at whoever dared knocking at this time of night, all traces of sleep vanished from the medical examiner's face as she took in the sight before her. "Kate?"

Katherine Beckett, NYPD homicide detective and Lanie's best friend, was standing in the doorway with tears in her eyes, looking frail and lost in the NYPD shirt and sweatshirt Esposito had loaned her after she and Castle had been rescued from the Pier that morning. The detective opened her mouth to speak but a desperate sob escaped in place of words, the soft cry tearing at the doctor's heart. "Sweetie, come here."

Lanie met no resistance when she pulled Kate in a tight hug, the taller woman's body shaking from the sobs that were now free to express the woman's state of mind. Without a word the Latina woman guided her friend to the bedroom, the couch being too cluttered from the pile of clothes that still needed to be folded and put away.

Kate obediently sat on the bed, her hands coming to cover her face as soon as she was free from her friend's possessive grip. She listened absently at the sound of drawers opening and closing, her exhausted mind reeling and she was fighting another wave of panic when hands were on her wrists, squeezing lightly until she lowered them. Concerned espresso orbs locked on hers and, too tired to think straight, got up again when Lanie pulled on her wrist. "Come on, you need a shower."

"I'm fine."

The glare she got made Kate regret she had ever opened her mouth. Knowing apologizing wouldn't be taken well right now, she trailed behind her friend again until they were in the bathroom. Kate watched warily as Lanie started the shower and put pajamas on the counter before her hands searched in a drawer a few moments until she came back with a pink toothbrush clasped in her fist. "Go. Take a shower, we'll talk after."

"Lanie-"

"Don't think. Strip. Shower. Get dressed. Brush your teeth. I'll be in the bedroom when you're done." Lanie practically ordered her but her eyes were soft and she gave Kate's hand a heartfelt tug before letting her go, turning her around so she'd face the shower and remember what was expected of her and left.

Kate noticed that her friend hadn't closed the bathroom door, instead leaving it ajar in case. _In case. _Sighing and blinking back another set of fresh tears, Kate did as she was told.

* * *

><p>Kate had washed her hair three times and lathered her body four times before she decided she was clean enough to get out. Turning the water off somewhat regretfully because the hot water had felt heavenly on her sore and still freezing body, the detective grabbed the thick, purple oversized towel, wincing as the soft fabric pressed against her bruised back and limbs. It wasn't bad enough that she had almost drown, and froze to death again, she had gotten knocked around pretty good when the SUV had crashed into them.<p>

Her legs were a massive canvas of blues and purples, some swollen and painful just to look at, but the gashes she earned on her left leg as she struggled to free herself from the sinking car were slowly starting to take a toll on her. They had been numb until now, thankful to whatever Deity present with her that day, but the pain was rearing its ugly head now, and it was back with a vengeance.

Gingerly putting a foot out of the shower, then the other, Kate stopped in surprise as she saw Lanie sitting patiently on the toilet with a magazine on her lap. "You're lucky I grabbed the towel _before_ I got out." She meant her voice to be stern but it came out broken and hoarse, still dried out from the yelling and the screaming as she and Castle fought to survive in the depths of the freezing Hudson River.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." Lanie tossed back, unfazed although memories of that dreadful day last May were suddenly swirling in her head. "Bandages now or after you change?"

The answer came under the form of a pointed glare from the battered detective and a hand resting over the clothes. Smirking, Lanie turned around and busied herself with the first aid kit she had fished out from under the counter, making sure for the third time she had enough of everything. The ME waited, understanding of her friend's need for privacy, even as grunts of pain disrupted the bathroom's relative quietness more times than she'd liked in a short amount of time. "Maybe you should forego the pants, sweetie." She said softly as she finally faced her friend.

Kate had managed to pull the top and panties over her uncooperative body but the pyjamas pants, as loose as they were, wouldn't do. "How did you keep those pants on all day? They must have been killing you."

"It was too cold for a skirt and the other scenario implied looking like this. I didn't feel like being arrested for indecent exposure by my own people." Kate replied dryly, her eyes closing as soon as she was sitting on the bathroom counter. Lanie had brought a chair in the small room and, after snapping latex gloves on, expertly began to clean every cut, graze and gash over the cop's body. "I'm sorry honey, but it's probably going to hurt like a bitch."

Lanie frowned at the mumbled 'don't care' from her friend and was pondering ways to approach the subject of the woman's visit when she noticed angry looking bruises on Kate's thighs, bruises that were still slowly emerging through the woman's pale skin and that were looking strangely like finger marks. "Katie?"

"Mmm?"

"Why do you have hand shaped bruises on your thighs?"

Kate opened her eyes and glanced down, staring unblinkingly for a while before answering, her words tired and heavy. "Castle may have been a little over zealous when we were trying to free my legs in the car."

Lanie's heart skipped a beat again but pushed the tears away. She had spoken to the paramedics after they were done treating her friends. She had seen the car after they had fished it out of the river, and she knew how cold the water temperature was at this time of year. It was nothing short of a miracle that they were both still alive.

"Okay, we're done." She finally declared thirty minutes later once her friend's legs and arm had been cleaned, disinfected and bandaged up again. "Do you want boxers or you want to stay like that?"

"Can I try the pants again? I'm still cold." Kate admitted shyly while she shot the flannel pants a longing look. Ever since the freezing incident the year before, she'd always pick warmth over comfort.

Lanie observed her cautiously before an idea seemed to pop in her head. Lifting a finger to ask her friend to wait, the ME left but came back swiftly, sweat pants and a hoodie in her arms. "They're Javi's so they'll be a little big, but they should be loose enough so they won't bother you too much."

Kate didn't even grilled Lanie on why she still had her ex-boyfriend's clothes in her apartment. She was just relieved to have warm clothes to put on and it was with a relieved sigh that she slowly limped over to the bed, a hand holding the pants so they wouldn't slide down her body. She was getting warm again so she didn't care how silly she must have looked.

Lanie waited as long as she could before she started questioning her friend but it was late, she was exhausted and she knew that the longer she waited, the fainter the chances of Kate opening up of her own free will would be happening. "Honey?"

Kate sighed against the pillows, her head turned to the window. Her friend's hand in her hair was making it hard to concentrate; it was lulling her to sleep and after the day they all had, only sheer determination kept her half awake. "I think I lost him."

"What? Who did you lose?"

The pain Lanie read in her best friend's eyes when they locked on hers could only have been caused by one person. The one who had left his marks on the detective's body. "Why do you think you lost Castle?"

"I went over to his place, to talk. We had started to in the park, before Blakely arrived but he hadn't answered my question so I wanted an answer."

"Do I want to know what kind of question we're talking about?" Lanie asked hesitantly, her hand moving down to the cop's arm so she could hold her hand. "Does it have anything to do with the CIA biatch?"

Kate chuckled, loving that Lanie was making a ridiculous effort at not pouring down a rain of curses down on Sophia Turner. "I asked him what his relationship to her was back then."

"And?"

"Blakely. Shooting. Us being pushed into the river. Almost drowning and dying." Kate chided her friend with a groan, sick of relieving this day for hundredth time today. "Sophia yelled at us, but mostly at Castle. Turns out things didn't end well between them."

"Well, that's a bummer."

"Lanie."

"Sorry, go on."

Kate rolled her eyes and found herself tightening her grip on the pathologist's hand, needing the support. She needed it and she simply didn't care if it made her look needy or weak. "I-I went to his place, to talk. I wanted to apologize for pushing him again, and, and-"

"And...?" Lanie pressed, eager yet dreading to know the rest of the story.

The detective's sienna eyes were glistening under the weight of the tears again. "Sophia was there. She was at his apartment, looking all cozy in the living room when I came in. The look she gave me, Lanie, it was- I felt like I was being shot again."

The stress of the day finally caught up with Kate as she collapsed emotionally, succumbing to heartbreaking sobs. She ignored the dull pain she felt in her ribs and lungs as she rolled on her side and curled into a foetus position, too tired to hide behind her walls anymore. "What am I going to do Lanie? What if he gets back with her?"

Lanie pursed her lips to keep her own emotions in check and lay down so she was facing her best friend. They had always known the mutual attractiveness between the detective and the writer, if only judging by the numbers of bet going around in the 12th precinct, and in a few others as well. The ME knew Castle was in love with Kate but, as far as she knew, the feelings her friend had for him weren't as clear yet. "Katie, sweetie, do you love Castle?"

The eyes that met her were enough of an answer for the doctor. "You need to tell him, Katie. If you can't say them out loud, write them down for him, or text him or something, but he needs to know. Does he love you too?"

"Yeah."

"He told you?" Lanie was surprised the detective had confirmed the juicy piece of information so quickly, and she was extremely curious to hear more about it. The silence that met her however sent shivers down her spine. "Kate?"

"He did." Kate ushered with a shaky breath, unable to hold her friend's gaze anymore, knowing she wouldn't be loving what was coming next. "Technically."

"What do you mean, technically?" Lanie stared at Kate in confusion until it became clear. "You remember."

"I never forgot."

Kate got nervous when Lanie didn't comment so she reluctantly opened her eyes. The disappointment and hurt she read in the ME's eyes weren't that different from the way she stared at herself everyday in the mirror. "I can't tell him, Lanie."

"Why?"

"It's complicated."

Lanie scoffed, annoyed. "You know what's complicated? You. You make it complicated, Katherine Elizabeth Beckett. We've watched you lose yourself in your mother's case, and then throw yourself at those idiots when you had the perfect man by your side. Literally at your side, Kate!"

"I know."

"You know what the problem is? You know he loves you, and you finally got into that thick head of yours that you love him back but he doesn't know that. Now do you see where the problem is?"

"I can't tell him."

"Why?"

Kate took a shaky breath and turned on her back, staring at the ceiling blankly. "Because it'll change."

Lanie refused to back down. "And that's bad how?"

"You don't get it, Lanie! He's perfect! I mean he's not, he can be so immature and hyped up like a nine year-old on a sugar rush sometimes but he's...he's there. He's always there, whether I'm having a good day, or whether I'm being a bitch, he's there. He doesn't leave me. If I tell him, and we take a shot at it, he'll see that I'm not what he thinks I am and he'll leave. As long as he doesn't know I'm not worth it, he'll stay."

Lanie stared for several long seconds before smacking Kate's arm. "You better not be quoting that stupid Schrodinger's cat."

"You know, the cat that's in a box with a vial of poison set to be released at a certain time?" Lanie sighed at the blank look her friend gave her. "The cat is trapped in a closed box with the poison. You know the poison is going to be released but you don't know when and so, as long as you don't open the box, you won't know if the cat's alive or not. Just like you and Castle. As long as you don't give it a shot, you won't know if it'll work or not."

"That...is the most stupid story I have ever heard." Kate commented eventually, repulsed by the idea of such experiment. But it also gave her hope. Ridiculously high hope. "It's not a doomed story, right? It really is a paradox? Was there really a possibility of the cat making it out of the box alive?"

"There's a reason why it's called a paradox, honey. Because as long as you don't test it out, you won't know its outcome. You should try and talk to Rick, maybe he could surprise you."

Kate nodded shakily, knowing her friend was right. "I'm scared, Lanie. What if he's already with her? And even if he isn't, what if-if it doesn't work out, what am I going to do? I'm not good at this stuff, I'm like a walking disaster. Everything I touch either dies or abandons me. I won't survive it if he abandons me, Lanie."

Lanie smiled gently and got off the bed, brushing her clothes before fishing for something in her pockets. Kate recognized the object as soon as the shorter woman pulled it out; it was her phone. "Check your messages, Katie. And remember the cat. It's a paradox, so you get to choose if you want him alive or dead. I'm going for a shower, so take the time you need."

As soon as the bathroom door closed, Kate bit her lip and unlocked her phone's screen. To her biggest surprise, there were twelve text messages, eight missed calls and six voicemails waiting for her. Hesitating briefly, Kate began with the text messages.

The tension wracking her body slowly began to fade as she read them. As soon as she was done she was sitting straighter on the bed and brought the phone to her ear to listen to the voicemails, choosing to do so instead of using the speakerphone not because she didn't want Lanie to hear, but because she wanted the writer's voice in her ear, as if he was sitting next to her while he apologized and explained the CIA agent's presence in his loft earlier that day.

Kate's free hand was shaking and tapping against the bed by the time she reached the last message. The strain and anxiety that had been darkening her features since stepping inside her friend's apartment were gone, instead leaving a faint grin floating on her lips as she listened to Castle's voice. Her eyes suddenly widened and she glanced at the bedroom door, uncertain.

Her legs almost buckled under her when she stood and walked to the door. Her hand rested on the doorknob five excruciatingly long seconds before she braced herself and opened the door.

Peeking in the living room, Castle stood from the couch as soon as Kate appeared in the doorway. The writer didn't move, waiting patiently for the detective to come to a decision. "Did you really kicked her out and threaten to call security?"

Castle shrugged, a gentle smile gracing his lips and a smirk dancing in his eyes. "Mother also told her she'd revealed some of her secrets she had let slip one night too many years ago when she was drunk. CIA agent or not, that woman can't hold her liquor. She was never back, Kate. I swear."

"How much did you hear?"

There was a mix of anger, fear and hope in the detective's sienna orbs as she stared at the writer, still unmoving from her spot. "Depends. I've heard what you wanted me to hear. Or not."

Kate didn't roll her eyes, neither did she quirked an eyebrow. "Can't have you heard everything?"

Castle walked forward slowly, watching for any sign of discomfort from the woman. Kate stood her ground, somewhat nervously but she didn't move, to the writer's greatest pleasure.

The small step forward the detective made as Castle finished closing the distance between them made his heart sing, his arms coming around the woman's slender frame and hugging her tightly. Castle closed his eyes shut when he felt her arms closing around him as well, her hands grasping handfuls of his shirt and gluing herself even closer to him. She didn't smell of cherries and vanilla like she usually did, instead her hair tickled his nose with a more flowery perfume, and he found it was suiting her just as well.

Castle ran his hands down her back and arms, soothing her and helping her relax. "Come on, we should let Lanie rest. I'll drive you home."

"Will you stay with me?"

Castle smiled and pressed his lips to his partner's temple and cheek, letting his soft kiss linger against her warm and creamy skin, and felt her shiver in his arms. "Always."

* * *

><p>It was four days before Lanie heard from Kate again, the Me caught with several cases while the detective had been coerced by Captain Victoria Gates to take a few days to recover. As the pathologist saw a black Charger pull over to the crime scene, she couldn't help but admire the vehicle that had been assigned to the detective while they got her another car to replace the one that had been wrecked that day. No one was getting out of the car though so Lanie brought her attention back to the victim until her phone chimed with a message from the detective, just as she saw them exiting the car under the appreciative eyes of several police officers.<p>

'_The cat's alive. Thank you.'_


End file.
